I got into a conversation with someone the other day about friends and how exactly those relationships feel. We were chatting about the whole "It is better to have a small group of close friends than a large group of people you can't rely on" and how it works in our lives.
I'm an introvert, we are talking I get super shy and start feeling ill if I need to introduce myself to people. I find this hilarious as I've worked in customer service my whole life which requires me to deal with people. I just face my job as I'm not going to have to deal with these people ever again so who cares. With trying to make friends though it is harder and scary for me because I want this person in my life a good 95% and I don't want to freak them out with my weirdness or some other thing about myself. Yet once I know someone and I'm friends with them I'm all in. I mean all or nothing kind of situations.
I'm the same when I'm in a relationship but that is here nor there.
My mother likes to inform me I love too much. That I will some how open myself up too much and end up getting burned in the end.
I've always had a pretty small group of friends, it grows in size as people get added but then usually dwindles down for one reason or another.
Friendships are a lot of work and sadly if someone is not willing to put forth the effort then the relationship dwindles and dies. I hate to say this but most of my friendships have met this end because of guys.
Girl meets guy.
Girl becomes obsessed with guy.
Girl decides guy is worth all her time.
Friends become tired of being either dragged along on dates or tossed over for guy.
Guy dumps girl.
Girl goes looking for friends and has none.
I'm guilty of parts of this too.
My favorite part of that little story is when the girl moves in with guy and even though they live together the girl HAS TO SPEND EVERY WAKING MOMENT WITH GUY.
Screw friends, I got this fella.
I'm sorry.....didn't you see him last night and this morning? Is he going to disappear if you don't spend one evening with him? If he is going to disappear I think you have bigger issues.
I've had a few friendships that were ruined because of a guy or because someone in the duo didn't put forth the effort needed for the relationship to work. For someone who is afraid of meeting people this can sometimes result in periods of time where there are no friends around and you learn to adapt and make new friends.
Since moving back I've rekindled a few friendships, some didn't last the 2nd (or 5th) time around, and some have flourished. I think as you get older you realise how important having friends is and that you need to WORK on them.
I think a few key points in friendship is to sort of treat is as if you are in a relationship.
Make plans: don't expect the person to always be free right when you are then be upset if they can't join you.
Keep those plans: if something comes up tell the person, don't wait till that person contacts you to suddenly be like "Oh shit, I'm sooo sorry I either a) forgot b) made other plans or c) can't do it till later now"
Be Honest: If you don't feel like hanging out with someone then tell them when they ask rather then blowing them off later.
Try: You have to try, any type of relationship is work, and if you continue to blow someone over then you might have to try a little harder to prove you want the friendship.
|I've done this before.....no luck....but it works|
I think you also sometimes need to stop and look at the friends you have. Do you have friends that would drop anything for you to come rushing to your aid? Do you have friends that will show up to any event they are invited to because they know it is important to you? Do you have friends that don't expect to talk every day but will listen when you need to bitch?
If so...these are your real friends and if you dick them over well....they are going to get tired real fast and then when you need someone they wont be around.
Now, do you have friends that bring nothing but drama? Do you have friends who wont show up for shit you invite them to because of one excuse or another? Do you have friends who expect you to be there for them but wont be there for you?
If so.....get rid of these people because they are not worth your time.
There is a great article talking about Friendship Break-Ups and how they can happen. I realised I've been through some if not all of those situations. It's hard to face these types of things and realise that they will happen. You don't want to think that it is possible to break up with your best friend but it happens, it sucks, and it can sometimes be preventable.
Have any of you had a friendship break up? Are you going through a moment right now where you feel the other doesn't care? Have you ever been the cause of the break-up without realising it till it was too late?
Til next time lovelies