Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Sharing a Little Piece of Me

I recently shared a story about my past relationship and it felt good to share it.
It felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and I was going to be okay.
I've been told recently that something seems to have changed, that I seem to smile more, that my eyes seem clearer, that I'm dressing differently, that I just seem to be all around happier.
I feel that way.
Since posting that bit I've felt like I'm more me.
Now recently I have started speaking with other bloggers about a certain subject and some of them have come out to share their story.
Such as Kristen @ KV's Confessions
I feel like it is time for me to finally share mine.

I guess my story almost starts at my conception.
I was born to an Irish Catholic mother and a father who comes from Jewish background.
My parents were not married and my father was not ready to be a father so my mom had me all alone.
She struggled with deciding to have me, went to church, prayed, spoke with family, visited planned parenthood and finally chose to keep the bundle of joy that I am. When it was time for me to be baptized the priest basically informed her "NO". I was a bastard child to a single woman and they basically wanted to know more personal information than is probably needed to baptize a child. My mother informed the priest her not so pretty thoughts and that my father was Jewish. That seemed to kick his butt into shape and I was baptized.
I mean I could be a Jew and that priest didn't seem to want that outcome.

My Pop Pop wanted me to go to Catholic school so....off I went from K-8th grade. I always had an issue while in school, things didn't make sense to me and I didn't agree with a lot, but I sat there quietly and just thought. I would speak about my confusion with my mother who I discovered had a lot of the same thoughts when she went to catholic school but she learned to accept them.
It bothered me to go to church, I felt I didn't need to because I was taught that God was every where and always with me so I shouldn't have to go once a week to mass. A mass where we sat, knelt, stood, and sang and then watched people rush out after receiving the body of Christ so they could be first at breakfast.
I was confirmed into the Catholic religion as well. I did all that was asked of me and required to be a part of my faith at the time. 
I thought about changing religions but that didn't sit well with me. I started to read articles online, speak to people, and finally understood why I was bothered.
I was an atheist.
I didn't believe in religion
I didn't believe in a higher power.

I have plenty of friends who are Catholic, Christian, Jewish, and Atheist. I don't bash religion, I will debate it though. I will discuss my beliefs (or non beliefs) with anyone because they want to understand where I am coming from. I'm not one to go around attacking people because that is wrong. I believe that if believing in religion helps you then that is your prerogative. I'm not going to tell you what you can or can not believe in because I don't feel that you should inform me of what I should do.

A large number of my friends knew I was an atheist in high school and recently I informed my Irish Catholic mother and grandmother. They all accept me for me. My friends know that I will sit with them during hard times if they need to pray, that I will go to their religious events for their future children, and that I do not judge them because they do not judge me.
My 86 year old grandmother informed me the other day that she finally understands me. She doesn't believe I don't believe in God, she feels I don't believe in the church and Jesus. If this makes her feel better and able to accept me more then I am not going to argue with her. Especially as she sits there informing me that some mornings if she wakes up and doesn't feel like going to church she wont because she is getting tired of listening to the man up front in a dress.
I know that if one day I have children and they start to question and want to learn about God I have no problem finding a Sunday school that I can drop them off at. It is their choice to learn what they want and to believe in what they want.
I will support them no matter what.

It will boggle my mind when someone, who does believe in religion, informs me that I am going to go to hell and that I'm a horrible person BECAUSE I don't believe in a higher power. I think being raised Catholic and having Friday night dinner every week with a priest has made me pretty well versed in the subject of religion. I was taught that only God can judge and that only his decision is what matters in the end. I have learned basically to sit there, smile, and listen while I'm informed of all the reasons my soul will never be at peace.
This saddens me.

I'm sharing this with you today, not to make you feel uncomfortable, but to share a little more of myself with you. If you wish to stop following me, that is your choice I wont fight with you. If you decide to stay with me and continue to be a part of my blogging world then thank you.
Thank you for accepting me for me and not for if my thoughts and beliefs mesh with yours 100%.

Til next time lovelies


Mallory said...

I wouldn't say I'm an atheist but I was raised in a nonreligious household that taught me to be very accepting of people, regardless of what they believed in.
I've been told by friends(high school times mostly) that I'll go to hell for not going to church.
And that makes me wonder, really? That's what you believe? Because I don't spend Sunday mornings in a church I'm going to hell? Seems kind of contradictory for religion to preach about love and kindness and then to tell someone they'll go to hell if they don't practice the same thing.

I believe that people put too much stock into the Bible. And I've read a good portion of it just because it's there.
It's filled with stories that have been translated multiple times, that has had stories removed completely, and that then is interpreted by a pastor or a priest or a minister.
If I do believe in God or some sort of higher being, then I feel closest when I'm outside, when I can see open beautiful spaces.

I think religion has been nothing but a fight from the beginning, and instead of people learning acceptance of anyone they have gone in the opposite way.

High five to you lady for putting this out there :)

Anonymous said...

Go you! For me, a lot of times I just feel like a hipocrite. I believe in God but I find religion as a whole to be SOO restrictive. I sin, so what? As long as I'm not hurting myself or others why does that make me a "bad person"? Organized religion bothers me, especially Catholocism. I completely agree with your God is everywhere comment and that is precisely why I do not ever go to church. If I need to pray or talk to him, I can do it regardless of where I am.

I think it's crazy that some bloggers get so offended that someone turns out to believe or NOT believe in a religion based on their assumptions.

Also, Mallory hits the nail on the head!!

Helene said...

i love people that can be honest. i am a catholic (hardly, i barely go to church) but I just like people to be real

Sarah :: Your Plucky Picaroon said...

What a courageous post! I appreciate your honesty and, of course, your courage! No matter how we feel or where we stand on issues like this, we never get anywhere if everybody is too afraid to talk about it. Thank you for bravely tackling this touchy subject. I do not have to agree with you in order to respect you and try to understand where you're coming from, and I think THAT is the lesson that so many of us can learn here.
Kudos to you!!

Sarah :: Your Plucky Picaroon