Monday, December 10, 2012

Wine and Cheesey Cracker Fueled Musings

Howdy Ladies!
Ok, sorry, I admit I'm never going to say howdy again.
I hope everyone had a lovely weekend mine consisted of being terrorised by stray dogs.


I know that sounds weird and I felt bad because I want to love and save pups all the time but not when they want to eat my poor dog.
Friday night I went to my mom's house to do laundry (don't judge it is a whole hell of a lot easier than paying to go to the laundromat) and I didn't get back to my place till late. When I pulled up I saw something in front of my car so I got out and left Sky in the car. I'm glad I did because they were two big stray dogs and Sky doesn't sometimes deal well with others. When I got out they were just standing there but they started to growl at me and come towards me so I went into the apartment to put my things down and try to chase them away to get Sky. I sadly had to stand watch while they growled at the car and walked around it until they got distracted by something long enough for me to run out and grab Sky and run her back in. About an hour later I decided to try and take Sky out to go to the bathroom before bed, big mistake. I opened the door and started to walk out when they both started coming at us growling and baring teeth. We rushed back into the apartment and sadly started to feel like we were being held hostage. I hoped that maybe by the morning time they would move on.

I woke up Saturday morning and looked out the window. Low and behold the two assholes were walking back and forth in front of the apartment. I grabbed Sky on her leash and waited for the right time to try and run her out. Some poor cyclist tried to ride by them to almost be attacked and then a car stopped, I guess in an attempt to help them, and that was my signal. We ran out of the apartment, Sky did a quick potty break, and we ran back inside. I was running late for work at this time and feeling horrible that she couldn't have a walk so I did the only thing I could think of. I called my mom and begged her to come over and rescue Sky and take her to her place because who knew when this was going to be resolved. I had already called the cops and was informed animal control would be the only people who could help us and they weren't open till Monday, thanks. My mom of course didn't see the strays but still took Sky and by the time I got home I didn't see them so I'm hoping that someone grabbed the little devil dogs.

Other than that excitement I had to deal with my job changing our pay weeks and schedules so I had to remake everything and I got one of my orders of scarves done! I am hoping since I'm off the next 3 days that I can get the rest of the small orders done that I have!

So every now and then I will write a post about someone elses struggles with either being single, being in a bad relationship, or just their travels with love.
I posted about a girl named Crystal, a bit about my Grandma, and then myself.

I received a message the other night from one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world. I don't think I should include her name because, well, she wrote it to me while drunk and she said she might not even remember writing it but she gave me permission to post it.
I did text her and she said go right ahead and post it soooo I am.
She even told me what the title should be, sassy little thing that she is.

Today is the six month "anniversary" of my boyfriend and my relationship. To be honest, I don't think this is such a big deal, but I know it is for him (seeing as how he celebrated our one month, two month, and four month "anniversaries".

To provide some backstory: I have been in two three year long relationships that ended for different reasons (the first guy was mildly psychologically and emotionally abusive whereas the second was a deadbeat mooches who lived off me and my parents like a parasite and eventually charged over $1000 to my credit card in a single month even though I used my debit account to buy all our food and pay rent). Both of these relationships were very serious and both had expectations and numerous discussions of marriage and children and a whole life together.

I guess what I mean to say is that I'm jaded. I'm broken and tired and used and abused and just...at a loss. Even though I have had time to heal and even though I am now in a relationship with a completely wonderful guy, I just can't help but be guarded. What if he fools me the way they did? What if he too will eventually turn around and break me the way I was before?

I just have such a hard time celebrating something as small and simple as a "six month anniversary" when I have been there and done that twice before. I just cannot help but focus on the bad endings I have already experienced and feeling like there is no other ending out there for me. I always look at other relationships that have lasted for decades (I am in dental school and see a lot of older patients who have been married longer than my parents have even been alive) and I can't help but angrily scream in my mind, "Why isn't that me? Why can't I find love like that? Why can't I be happy forever?"

Now, I am not one to cling to trite quotations that constantly come in and out of vogue, but there is one that has stuck with me since I heard it who knows how many years ago:
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Lao-tsu

I can't even begin to explain why or how it makes me feel better, but it always does. There is just something about imagining Pavarotti anxiously wringing his hands while waiting to perform at his first audition or Van Gogh putting his paintbrush to canvas for the first time that puts it all into perspective.

Maybe this isn't the beginning of my life-long love affair, but I have no doubt that it will guide me to that place where I need to be and give me the experiences I need to take the plunge and begin the journey in which I so desperately want to take part.

I read this and just sat there for a while thinking. Thinking first how I wish I could find these two guys and beat them into a pulp and then remembered I'm pretty weak, but then I think about how much I love her. I completely understand how she feels and the worries that are going through her mind. She didn't rush into this relationship, on the contrary she held this one pretty much at arms length at the beginning and then it turned into something. I hope she gets her happily ever after because this wonderful person for sure really deserves it, especially after those two assholes.

If any of you would like to share your story, good or bad, just email me and I can either post it telling people who you are or I can do as I did above and keep your identity private.

XOX
Brie

2 comments:

Whittney M said...

You've been nominated for a Liebster Award! Come check out the questions at twentysomething.gonewrong.blogspot.com

Laura Darling said...

I hope your friend finds her happily ever after too! And I would have been freaked out by those dogs. Might have called the police haha. I'm a wimp!

 
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