Wednesday, January 30, 2013

If I Ruled The World Link Up

Hey Ladies!
Every now and then I seem to get these great ideas while being half asleep.
I know, bummer right, especially because I'm not awake enough to even think about writing whatever the hell it was running through my head.
 
I was stuck thinking about how if I ran things I would make it so Starbucks had call ahead orders so you could just pick them up. Then I thought better yet, what if they delivered to wherever you were!
 
So that lead to this idea for a link up.....
 
 
If I ruled the world....
 
Attractive men would be required to walk around shirtless on Tuesdays as a reward for having to deal with Monday.
 
Starbucks wouldn't cost so much and they would show up at your door each morning as you were getting ready to go to work
 
There would be a special roadway system for old people filled with bumpers and the speed limit going 30 mph so they felt safe. O and so they wouldn't be bothering me.
 
Gay men would plan every one's weddings because you know you've been to that one where you stood there going "OMG WHAT HAPPENED?!"
 
Cupcakes would make you skinny
 
Matt Bomer would be my husband and he would be straight
 
Shorts would be longer then women's vajayjays
 
Men would be smart enough to know when to stop talking during an argument
 
I would be able to save all the animals in the world
 
Houses would know how to clean themselves
 
This wouldn't be allowed
 
An alarm would go off when a skank walked into a bar
 
You would be allowed to zap people when they are getting on your nerves
 
Children would be taught proper english so that they don't spell in short hand or a combo of letters and numbers.
Th@t $hizz Cray Cray...GAH!
 
Kristen Stewart and Taylor Swift wouldn't be allowed to act or date.
Preferably both
 
Beiber wouldn't be saggin...actually no one would
 
Wine would be free to all women who have a job/are married/have kids...so basically everyone.
 
High heels wouldn't make my hip hurt
 
So go on down there and link up.
Rules are simple.....just make the link about this post
Meaning don't have it be about how cute your puppy is or how you wish you could eat a hamburger.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

GFC Blog Hop

Hey Girlies!
I'm joining in today for the GFC Blog Hop hosted by Melissa @ The Life of a Not So Ordinary Wife!
I'm pretty excited because I've wanted to join in on this little bit of fun for a long time.

Today I'm helping my mom look for a car, working on scarves, cleaning up my place (my dog is shedding, bleh), and preparing myself for the dentist tomorrow. I haven't gone to the dentist in two years and I know it is time for me to go.
Plus it is free.
Free is good!
Oh, and don't forget to join in my link up tomorrow for If I Ruled The World. Here is a little example: If I ruled the world cupcakes would make you skinny.
TADA!!!
Can't wait to read what all of you girls put down.


It's Tuesday again which means it's time for the GFC Blog Hop!
When I want to follow a blog the first thing I look for is GFC (Google Friend Connect), it's so easy and  nice to be able to go and see all of the blogs you follow in one spot. It's really a great tool to have. 
One side note- Did you know you can follow through GFC using your Twitter Account? TRUE, it's definitely an option!
Ok, so let's get to the party, shall we?
RULES are simple:
1. Follow your host via GFC
The First link below
2. Follow your co-hosts via GFC
The Next 9 links below
3. Link up below using your main blog url not a specific post.
4. Make sure to visit some of the blogs in the link up and follow them via GFC 
and if you want to leave them a comment, I'm sure they'd appreciate that as well.
5. Tweet about this blog hop

6. Share about this blog hop by grabbing a button and putting it on your sidebar!
*After 6 months of the waiting list to cohost being extra long, I finally have paid cohost spots available! Email me if you're interested at melissa@thelifeofanotsoordinarywife.com
Post Sponsor Ad:

Monday, January 28, 2013

Random Ass Animal Facts

Hope you all had a great weekend.
I'm choosing to not talk about mine since all I did was laundry, work, drink coffee, cuddle with the dog, and watch TV.
I know you wish you were me since I lead such an exciting life.
not

I'm going to share a little bit of my nerd side with you all today.
I'm happy I'm a human (you'll get where this is going) and that I'm able to not be covered in fur, smell, or be normally eaten by things bigger than me.
There are some creatures out there who, how should I put it, have some pretty awesome abilities compared to us homo sapiens.

The Pigeon

These bad boys are able to hear sounds that we couldn't even begin to think of hearing from a great distance.
Really?!
The rat with wings has better hearing then us?
I'm already going deaf so I'm thinking this is pretty lame. Maybe I need to get a hearing pigeon to help me out with my day to day activities.

The Dung Beetle

Ya, it's a bug.
It took me a minute to actually get the courage to post this guy as we all know I'm afraid of bugs.
Scientists somehow figured out that these little poop friendly gems use the Milky Way for navigation.
Yep, something we could smash uses stars (not candy) to help them out.
I'm feeling a little inadequate.

The Mantis Shrimp

They have better eyesight then we do.
Yep, that tiny thing can see better then all of us.
They are also pretty snazzy dressers.

The Kangaroo

They can't fart, they take the gas that they would fart and turn it into energy.
I would love it if people didn't fart because honestly being stuck on a bus or a subway car and someone farting and you can't leave is the worst experience of my life.
O to be a kangaroo

Oh and some other random facts: Don't stand on the left hand side of a cave because bats always go to the left when leaving, mosquitoes are attracted twice as much to the color blue so try to avoid that color, and for all you left hand people out there polar bears are all lefties.

Yep, glad I could give you all some knowledge.

Oh and I'm hosting a link up on wednesday....so you should join.
I would if I were you, but I'm not....which is why I'm hosting it.
I need more coffee.

Friday, January 25, 2013

A Little Bit of This and a Little Bit of That

I'm going to start off by warning you today is going to have no direction at all. I mean it, we are going to just go flying all over the place so maybe I should make you some kind of chart or diagram.
I dunno, we'll see.

My morning started off with being in a Starbucks with some very cute men and realising that today I look like caca.
No bueno.
Then the lovely Starbucks lady decided to spell my name wrong on my cup. Now, I've had my name spelt wrong before, but today it was just off beyond a doubt. If you follow me on instagram you probably saw the pic.


I needed that coffee because I was up late finishing this bad boy.
I have to say, I was sucked in right from the start. The chapters aren't actually chapters but set more with dates and times and years. I think what really pulled me in was the fact that it started in the middle and went back to the beginning so you just had to figure out what lead up to that exact moment.
Sky is a pretty great character in the sense that even though she is a teenager she has a really great head on her shoulder and I think I wish I could have been more like her when I was younger, maybe even today. She's a strong character but a little broken which is ok when you find out why that exactly is. I can honestly say I strongly disliked Holder in the beginning. I thought it was going to lead in a direction of domestic abuse but it did a complete turn around and I ended up loving him. I wasn't really sure how I felt about the character Six, I kind of understand why she was there but at the same time she just seemed to be a filler spot in random sections of the book. With this book I was able to figure out some things half way through but was a little shocked at parts that I hadn't thought about.
This book is recommended for 17+ because it does contain strong content and graphic nature. After reading it I think if I see someone who is 14 reading this book I'd grab it and throw it in a lake some place. Not that I didn't love the book, I just think it is one of those books someone who is still figuring things out shouldn't read.

See we jumped from coffee, incorrect name, to book review and now we are switching gears again.
Sorry

I'm back to being kind of sort of not really involved with this guy who lives in my apartment complex. We had stopped hanging out due to my choice because it wasn't gong to lead anywhere I felt like he might have been seeing other people.
Or he was married, I dunno.
I finally decided to give in after 5 months and agreed to see him because, well, it was fun to hang out with him.
He's being weird this time, different weird, in the sense that he is suggesting things that were never ever allowed on the table. He is agreeing to things, texting me, and just being different.
Weird, men are just plain weird.

Now, I'm planning a big birthday giveaway in February. It is a special giveaway so if you would be interested in joining in please let me know.
Email me, Tweet me, Comment here, Send a pigeon,
The more the merrier!!!!

I hope you all have a great weekend, I shall be holed up in my office until Tuesday.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Let's Talk About Sex Baby.....


Yep....I'm kind of going there today.
Kind of 

Pinned Image

Now, I'm hoping a good portion of you are not going to need me to do the whole These opinions are my own and in no way, shape, or form, are meant to be insulting or offensive.
I'm not going to give you a lesson on the whole how babies are made or anything like that.

Pinned Image

There, now for those of you who don't know anything about sex you should be caught up.

I was laying in bed this morning before work trying to catch up on Hopeless and came across a steamy part of the book.
The characters are 18 but still in High School.....felt a little weird, not going to lie.

This got me thinking, I'm not a prude in the least, and if you ask my friends they will tell you I can sit there and have a conversation about the dirtiest things you could think of.
Come on, one my best friends and I installed something once which was hilarious in the sense one of us had to be the model while the other adjusted parts. I think we died laughing the entire time.
Yet, when I'm watching a movie or reading a book and the sex starts I sit there a little self aware.

I used to live with a guy that before we moved in together we were involved yet we weren't involved when we lived together. 
I'll give you a moment to try and figure that one out.
We were watching TV and this very steamy scene popped up and he just looked at me. I think we were watching True Blood so you have an idea of what I'm talking about.
I just sat there with my face turning bright red and trying to block out the whole scene and noise bit. I get this way also when sitting in a crowded movie theater sitting next to my best friends and surrounded by random strangers. I'm sorry, deep down I'm like 12, so I'm stifling those weird girlish giggles. I'm not sure how I got this way I mean I used to sneak into my living room when I was younger, I didn't have my own TV, and turn on MTV at 11:30pm to watch Undressed.
Weirdo

I'm the same way with reading. I read, I read a lot, I read anything I can get my hands on, and I read any place I can find to read. This results in me reading a lot at restaurants, coffee shops, and Barnes and Noble. I used to not have a Nook and this meant I was sitting there reading a book which everyone and their cousin could see the half naked person on the cover or the very straight forward title if that happened to be the book at the time.
I'm not always reading romancey books so don't worry. 
Now that I have the Nook I find it easier to read some books (Fifty Shades of Grey) but I still look around when I'm reading because I feel like people know what I'm reading.
You'd think I'd get over this at one point and time but I don't see that happening.
Wimp

O well, if you ever want to sit in a crowded restaurant or bar and have a conversation about pocket rockets I am your gal. I also have this tendency to curse when I'm out so it really is a recipe for disaster.
My mother would be so proud.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Baby Got Back

Hidey Ho bloggers!
I'm still trying to make it through all of those fun posts from yesterday with Whitney and welcome to everyone who stopped on by!

Yes, I will be writing about the speeding ticket I got from the horse next month as a sort of celebration of my first ticket.

Now onto the good stuff
You ever have that day where you think your butt looks big?
Have you ever had that moment when your pants are feeling a bit tight?
Are you one of those girls where you need to buy bigger pants to fit your hips and ass but end up getting the weird waist thing because your waist isn't that big?
Do you hate your big ol booty?

I can answer yes to all of those things so I'm going to introduce you to a woman who is making me not mind my rather large behind.

I was browsing TMZ today while at work in my free time and saw a small little button that said Largest Hips

Happy with her size ... Mikel Ruffinelli flaunts figure

BOOM!

I'm now really rethinking those days where I hate my hips/butt. This woman makes $1,000 dollars every time she appears on those BBW sites.

ONE THOUSAND!!!

She loves her curves, her husband loves the way she looks, and she says she doesn't want to lose weight because when she was in high school she was a skinny minny.
Her waist is a smallish 40inches but her behind/hips are a good ol 100 inch (8 ft in circumference).

I stood in the mirror this morning and was just plain grateful that my butt is the way it is.

Ya, this post evidently didn't really go anywhere but o well I'm having an off day.
I did get to help a guy mail out his wife's back massage that was left in the room in a black bag. He kept repeating over and over that I shouldn't look in the bag.
I didn't need to, I'm not dumb sir, I know what it is.

Maybe tomorrow will make more sense after I have some wine....yep, wine.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Facts of Me

Hi ladies!
I've decided today to join Ms. Whitney for some random fun facts about myself.


Let's just say that I'm needing a glass of wine so I can figure out what to share....it's a lot harder than you would think haha.

See...wine

Let's get this show on the road.....

My first speeding ticket was from a mounted cop. Yep, a horse cop.

When I was a kid I ate paper

I hate cold cheese.....oh so much hate for that shit

For 6 months after middle school I wore men's clothing

I can never think of what I want to drink when I'm at the bar

I use to wish one of my brothers was gay

I will own a pittie one day

I used to sing Opera

I have a bad back from being thrown off a horse....twice

I honestly have no idea how to dress myself and will buy the same outfit on a stand if I think they look nice. Oh, and buy the same shirt in every color if I like it.

I own an Etsy shop where I make scarves 

I'm a damn proud wine-ho

I've only ever had two serious boyfriends the rest were well, you get the idea

I watched the movie What's Your Number and laughed over and over again...then cried a little on the inside

I want to write a book but I think it might be a little too smutty

I get fucking annoyed when people call me Brie Cheese but I have to say it so people know how to spell my name correctly

I, at one time, thought of becoming Wicca

I used to wish I was a part of the X-men

I think it should be socially acceptable for me to drink wine while working

When I was in the 5th grade I signed the Celibacy Contract....it has been broken....oops

I wish I could move to England and marry someone with an awesome accent

I went through a stage where I was afraid of men

I cry every time an animal dies in a movie

I have a really hard time smelling things

I think I might be going deaf....I think I should get it checked out one day

I'm strongly attracted to tall muscular blonds and end up with short meh brunettes

I hate coconut but love it as a rum flavor

If I'm drunk and drinking beer it has to be with a straw because I'm too lazy to pick up the glass

If I could read all the time I would be one happy camper

I think my cat judges me

I sometimes wonder how I survived this long. If you really knew me you would be thinking the same thing.

I'm scared of bugs, as in I scream and run

When I was younger I wanted my name to be changed to Raven

I can't wait to stalk browse all of your Fun Facts about yourselves!!!!

Monday, January 21, 2013

Besties, Bachelorette, and Bad Beds

Well hello darlings!

I hope you are all having an amazing day!
To those that are off today....don't tell me, as I'm very jealous.

This weekend was much needed and was honestly a blast! Friday I didn't have to work so I did some scarf work and ran around like a mad woman with errands for this weekend.
The tweet gods were listening because Friday I tweeted about how I couldn't find a plaid shirt and 2 seconds later I walked into Old Navy and they had them on sale.
SCORE!

Friday night I just hung around my house, ordered pizza, and got a random text from this guy I went on a date with once back in November.

Saturday I woke up early to another text from random guy saying that I made him nervous by responding so I of course asked the obvious of if you didn't think I would respond then why did you message me. He informed me because he was thinking of me and missed me.
Odd and a little weird.

I got packed up, dropped my dog off at my mother's, wish my parents good luck with my dog, and headed up to Nikki's house. We watched some movies, Ok I watched some movies....she took a nap, and just hung around till Hallie and her man got there.

We packed up, drove 5 minutes to the hotel....oops, and then relaxed while we got all pretty.

Yep, that is me enjoying a cool beverage

We drove quickly to the Hibachi place and had a great time and every time we said Fuck or Whore we cringed a little bit as we were sitting at a table with 4 or 5 children. Yep....go us. Dinner was really really good and then we headed back to the hotel to kill time till we called a cab.


We had some really great girl time and then tried to call the cab that the hotel suggested. This was a bit of an issue as he didn't speak great english and he didn't really tell us how long till he would be there. He finally showed up, we drove the 10 minutes to the bar, and then had a great time. We danced, drank, and watched some very attractive looking men.
Yum.

We decided it was time to leave and tried to call a taxi, after calling a different company our silent friend pulled up and we just jumped right in. We decided we were pretty starving so we harassed the poor Night Auditor to find us a place that might be open for pizza.
Domino's came to our rescue.
Bless their little heart.
We scarfed down our food and then attempted to get some sleep in. Nikki and I ended up in the bed and let's just say...
OMG WORST BED EVER!
It was the hardest bed I have ever felt in my whole life. There was no give, none at all, I could move around every 2 minutes to try and get comfortable and Nikki couldn't feel me moving at all. When it was time to wake up no one's back was feeling like they had gotten a great night's rest.

We packed up, drove back to Nikki's to wake the boys up, and then relaxed for a bit after Hallie, Porter, and Zack all left. Niks and I decided to hit up McAlister's as I don't have one in Sarasota and if you remember I fell in love with the place when I visited my bestie Megan in Gainesville.
We had an issue getting into the parking lot as there was a large amount of construction and there isn't a marked entrance for the damn place. That's ok though because I finally got something I've been craving since October.


I dropped Nikki back at her place and I headed home to grab my dog from my mom's and got relax. I got some things done but really just relaxed and tried to recover from that horrible bed.

 

Sky passed out and just slept the whole day after such an exciting weekend away from home.

I hope you all had a great weekend!!!

Friday, January 18, 2013

Wow, Great Start to the Weekend

I'm sure you are all aware by now that something happened yesterday that is hard for me to say.
 
I got hacked
 
There, I said it. It's out there, I can't take it back even if I wanted to. I just want to curl up in a whole, write an apology letter, then go kick some ass in the nads.
I'm guessing my hacker was a guy because no woman would be using my twitter to talk about weight loss plans.
 
Today is Friday, I know....I was thinking the same thing....how is it Friday already?!
I'm ok with it since this is my first 3 day weekend off in a very long time and I'm planning on enjoying every moment of it.
My apartment is clean (thanks mom for finishing my half ass cleaning job), I've shaved my legs (trust me, for this weekend they need to be), my fancy bra is nice and wash (also needed for this weekend), and I've got my game face on.
 
Tomorrow my besties Nikki and Hallie are going out for Hallie's Bachelorette party! We are doing dinner, country bar, and hotel room. We aren't going that far, only about 45 minutes from where Hallie and I live, so there is hope I can maybe lasso myself a handsome cowboy.
Side Note: I don't like country music but I plan on having a lot of alcohol so that I will enjoy the country music.
I'm looking forward to hunting for cowboys since I really don't feel like ending up like this guy.
 
 
I want to have a real life boyfriend.....not a pretend one that I never met in person and I'm lying about.
 
 
I'm heading to Spencer's today after picking up my paycheck (my job is old school and doesn't believe in direct deposit) to grab some very exciting things for this weekend.
There is a button that says "she's not single but I am".
Yep, I'm getting it.
 
Also, something not related at all.....I just found out the Friday before my birthday there are going to be male strippers in town that inspired Magic Mike.
Happy Birthday to Me!!!
 
You ladies have any big plans for this weekend?!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Time For A Name Change

Hmmm.....anyone notice anything different today?

Come on, I know you can probably tell what it is....

Yep, I'm no longer Simple Single Girl Life....I'm now hanging out at Wine Fueled Girl.

I thought it was time for a change and I was getting really tired of a) writing that name out every time and b) seeing the word Single all over the damn place.

I'd seriously would like to thank Courtney at designerblogs.com because she is a dream to work with and it only took her less then 10 hours to get everything done that I had requested. 

Last night instead of getting to spend a quiet night working on things I wanted to work on I had to get my house together and plan on my mom picking my dog up for the day. 
I honestly hate when my apartment complex decides the day before to leave a note on my door letting me know that our building is up for "preventative maintenance". I seriously feel like, oh I don't know, they should give us a bit more advanced notice. 
What if I was one of those people who works all night and sleeps during the day?! 
Assholes. 

I'm not working this weekend so I think tomorrow I'm going to try and rest up as much as possible because Saturday and Sunday I'm going to be one busy little bee!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

I'm Not "Youthful" Anymore?!?!

I almost cried a little bit the other day.

Honestly, I was sitting there just staring at my computer wanting to bang my head against the screen for the words that it said.


Hi Brie,
 
I’m with Ric Coffey’s State Farm office, where you have your auto insurance.  Since you are turning 25 soon, there should be a drop in the price you are paying for insurance as they no longer classify you as a “youthful driver”. 

Yep, right there.....right there at the end.
I'm no longer considered a "Youthful driver."

 
 
I don't take kindly to being considered "old" so I started thinking of what is and isn't ok now that I'm about to be 25.

It's fine that I'm still single at 25, even though if I was in the 1800s I'd be well on my way to "being on the shelf"

It's fine that at 25 I don't own a house

It's not ok at 25 for me to go out and be plastered every night

It's not ok at 25 for me to try to order off of the children's menu

It's fine at 25 that I'm refusing to stop wearing flip flops every chance that I get

It's fine at 25 that I have no desire to have children any time soon

It's fine at 25 that I still watch children movies such as Tinker Bell or The Fox and The Hound

It's fine at 25 that I'm still not sure if I want to do my job for the rest of my life

It's fine at 25 that I still hold my dream of one day moving to New York City and meeting the straight version of Matt Bomer

It's not fine at 25 that I let some of the things in my life bother me

It's fine at 25 to admire guys and then stop to think "OMG!? They are under 20...ugh...well it works."

It's fine that I'm freaking at being 25 just because it is considered a quarter of a century old.

So....I'm going to stop, smell the roses, admire the fine men out there, and try to think of what I want to accomplish before I turn 30.
Blah....30

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Literary Junkies in January

I've been looking for a link up to take part in since I'm having a rough day.
When I say rough I mean....I want to stab someone in the eye and laugh...type of rough day.
I'm not actually going to stab someone in the eye but it is a thought.

While reading through the posts so far today I stumbled across the Literary Junkies link up and felt like I should join in so let's get started!

Pink Heels Pink Truck

1. Which book could you read over and over? Why?
 I'm kind of with Lesley in the fact that I run into the issue of not liking the book as much the second time around as I did the first. Also, I have this bad habit when I'm rereading to skip parts I don't feel that interested in and skipping ahead....Ooops


These two series I can reread over and over and over again, but I still catch myself skipping parts I don't want to read.

2. If you could be any character from any book you've read, who would you be?
Oooo this one is tricky. There are a lot of characters that I would like to take bits and pieces from.
Mac Lane, Sookie Stackhouse, or Annastasia Steele.
There is no one particular person I want to be but I wouldn't mind taking bits and pieces from their lives.

3. Do you ever put a book down because you just can't get into it? Or do you stick it out to the bitter end? Any examples?
I try to stick through it because I've run into a few books where the beginning was slow as hell but it eventually picked up and turned into a great book. Time to time I read YA and sadly the House of Night was ok the first few books but it kept dragging on and on and on till I finally started reading a book and just had to put it down after page 5 because it was the same stupid thing and it wasn't going anywhere. I also had an issue with Gone Girl. I read the first half but as soon as I reached the wife's POV I just couldn't do it anymore. I think I might try it again but we shall see.

4. Show us your book shelves! Do you have one designated spot in your house for all your books? Do you scatter them around?
Here are a few of the books I have out of boxes right now. They are hanging out in the front entrance way of my little apartment. I usually read everything on my Nook because I used to have an issue where I bought a whole bunch of books and then when it came time to move I had to sell them all (250). It was a really sad day but I'm ok now. I now buy the book if the Nook version was amazing and I just have to own it for my collection.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Yep....This Was an Actual Discussion

I haven't had caffeine since the beginning of the year, ok I lied I had a coke one night because I felt I needed one and today I had a Skinny Caramel Macchiato, but anyways since I haven't been drinking it I've been feeling great recently. It was a little tough in the beginning, it always is, but now I'm feelin dandy. I think my morning Oatmeal Smoothies have been helping also, if only they didn't stink when I forget run out of time to wash the blender out.

Ok, let's move on past the whole blender, smoothie, soda thing.

I spent part of my day on Tuesday with my mom because my car needed new tires and it was decided on Monday I had to get them. When I say the car needed new tires I mean I honestly was afraid when the car hit 50mph that they would fly off into the sunset and I would be spinning out of control and run into a tree. Yep, there goes my over active imagination.

While walking around the mall, since we were smart and went to Sears, we were window shopping. If you have read my posts in the past you are aware I have a love/hate relationship with my humps up top. I saw these really cute bras and of course knew right then and there without even looking they wouldn't have them in my size. I had mentioned to my mother that the bras were cute and hated the fact that bras my size were in basic colors and looked like they were made for women who knew a man would never touch them again. Well, ok, it's been a while since I've had a man in my life but we aren't going to go there today.

My mother turns to me and says, "I understand and your grandmother and I were talking. Since you are going to be moving back for a little while we were thinking about looking into going about getting you a breast reduction if you were interested."

Wait...
WHAT?!?!
This is what you talk about when I'm not around?!
I mean, um, sure I guess.

I of course thanked her and explained I would be interested in it one day but I know I need to get myself to where I'm comfortable with my body before I go looking into taking a chunk of boob off.
They usually recommend getting to a weight you want before you try to reduce the boobs because let's say you lose weight and your boobs decide to shrink smaller than what you just got cut off. Then you are sitting there, a woman who was used to large tatas, with itty bitty titties. You then end up BACK in the plastic surgeons office to get boob put back in OR you gain the weight back to fluff them up again.
Horrible cycle, just horrible.

I honestly got to thinking when I got home at to what else my parents feel like chatting about when I'm not around. My love life? The fact I might die a spinster (hush I got 2 more years before I'm officially socially considered "on the shelf")? The fact I'm still up in the air on if I want kids or not? My hair? I don't know and I'm afraid to really ask.

Is there anything you randomly found out your parents discuss when you weren't around? Do they suggest medical procedures you evidently should have?

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Why Do I Do My Job Again?!

A lot of you are familiar with the fact that I work for a hotel, I'm also the guest services manager at said hotel. This simply put means that I'm the person who checks on reservations, reviews inventory, and has to deal with almost all of the complaints no matter how big or small.
On a daily basis I will sit in my tiny office that has no privacy and think as to why I continue to do what I do. I get screamed at almost daily and people seem to think I'm out there to make their stay a living hell. When I get this way I'll watch this little ray of sunshine (which basically sums up my job) and it will make me feel better.


Yep, that's what I deal with and what almost every single person who works in a hotel wants to say. I try to keep my job and blog separate but today I'm feeling like sharing some of the crowning moments and some helpful tips.
1) It's 10pm at night and we are sold out and a guest is coming to check in. Guest "Hi, I was wondering if I could get a free upgrade." Me "sadly we are sold out today so there are none available. I do apologize." Guest" What do you mean there are none available?! Do you know who I am?!" Me "Yes, You are Mr. Smith who works for Such and Such and I'm sorry but you can't have an upgrade." Guest "You need to give me an upgrade!" Me "Ok, well you're boss who booked an upgraded room type has already checked in. Would you like for me to contact him to see if he would be willing to give you his room?" Guest "how do I get to my room?"
2) We had a guest who was a "doctor" who also had a small man complex staying with us for a while. While we were working he came rushing up to the desk all panicky saying that there was a naked woman he didn't know in his room passed out and he needed help. We were very confused but walked ourselves down to his room. Low and behold there was a naked woman laying on his bed holding an open container of Vaseline and her fingers placed in a very not good place. We asked him how the woman got in to the room and he said he had left his door propped open while he went out to his car and when he came back he found her. We proceeded to try and dress her while trying to wake her up. She was staying with us with a Proctor and Gamble conference and we heard her coworkers looking for her. We told the guy to close the door and leave the room and we finally got drunky mcnaked up and dressed and out of his room.
Let's just say she checked out the next day.
3) Guy walks into the hotel and asks if he can have a room. We kindly informed him that we are sold out and we have no rooms available. He looks at us like we are nuts and shouts "You have no rooms at all in the hotel I can have?!" We kindly inform him that we are sold out meaning we have no rooms. He replied with "You mean there are no rooms at all in the hotel I can take?!" (Side note: if a hotel tells you that they are sold out, they are sold out. In no way shape or form does it make sense for us to turn away business when we are going to TRY and sell out.) We kept informing the man we were sold out which he kindly informed us we could go fuck ourselves and that he KNOWS we have rooms that we are holding and we were just being bitches.
Yep, you are correct sir.
Those are just a few not including the time the guy jumped over the counter to yell at me, I got calls from some guy every day for a week trying to have phone sex with me, the guy from the middle east who asked me to marry him and join his other wives, the kids that were left at the hotel, or the tornado.
Now on to a few helpful tips for the traveling person.
1) Don't piss off the person who is going to pick where you sleep for the night. We WILL put you in a crap room if you treat us like shit before you even show up at the hotel.
2) Don't demand an upgrade. If you are nice, celebrating something, and treating us like as long as you have a room to sleep in you are great, we will do our best to upgrade you if we have it.
3) Take the comforter and decorative pillows off the bed. A lot of hotels have done away with those but if you happen to stay someplace that hasn't, don't sleep with them. It takes a long time for those to dry and hotels want to cut back on wait times on rooms. They will usually wash those once a month.
4) Bed bugs don't mean the hotel is dirty. Trust me. If you happen to be traveling and you end up sadly running into them don't freak and think you are in a dirty room. 9 times out of 10 those little suckers jumped a ride in the luggage part of the plane and stayed for a ride. Also, you can pick up bed bugs at the movie theater, doctors office, NBC, shoe stores....you name it you can find one there. Most hotels will pay to have your clothes cleaned and get you new luggage.
5) Don't treat the agent like shit because something went wrong. I understand you're upset but yelling at the poor girl because your room wasn't cleaned isn't her fault. She didn't clean your room, she is just standing there trying to deal with pleasant people like yourself.
6) Call the hotel in advance and find out their incidental charges policies. When you check in to a hotel you HAVE to give a credit card in person for security reasons. If you give the person a debit card the computer is going to take out the total for room and tax PLUS an additional amount for incidentals. If you travel with not enough money you might end up with over draft fees. Also, try to use one card for hotel and one for rental car so you don't end up with no money.
Have any of you traveled and had an interesting encounter with a hotel? Have you ever been witness to a person freaking at the front desk just for them to find out that their husband made the reservation for the wrong dates?

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Wow, You Do Suck At Selling Cars

This year I'm going to do my best to get myself a new car.
I drive a 1997 Ford Escort "Luxury" addition.
Meaning it came with power windows and locks and had a cassette player.
Oldie (it's her new name) now has 140,000 miles on her and I think it is time to pass her on to another loving family....or the junk yard.
 
Oldie's radio plays music but you can't change the channel or turn it off, the back windows don't go down, the back bumper is rusting up a storm, paint is fading, she makes a weird noise, starting her up is a hit or miss, A/C and heat don't work right now, and the list goes on.
 
I decided on Thursday to go to Ford to look at their Fiesta and KIA to look at their Rio. I don't need anything big, it's just me and I don't plan on having kids any time soon. I hit Ford up first because of the fact a) it was closer to my house b) we have bought almost every car from there and c) all of our maintenance work gets done by them. I pulled up and there were the vultures just waiting for someone to con into paying more for a car than it was worse. My Vulture was names David and I could tell I was not going to like him right off the bat. I informed David I wasn't looking to by that day but I was shopping around and I was trying to decide between a Fiesta and a Rio. He walked me by the brand new Fiestas just saying "so those are the new ones" and walked me to a used one that had just been brought in and wasn't even cleaned yet. It was locked and so I of course couldn't look in to it. He asked me how much I wanted to pay and tried to get me to buy this used thing right then even though he wouldn't show me new which is what I wanted. He suggests we look at other used cars but decides to take a call before we get in the golf cart to drive 2 feet to the used dealership. We just drive by some cars, he spats numbers at me, then hands me his card and says "Well, when you're ready just tell me and we will get you a car."
 
Ok asshole, first I'm pissed because I waned you to SELL me the car not just throw numbers. I wanted to test drive one because that is my big thing to see if I'm comfortable in it. You didn't give me any information to take home. You basically decided that because I wasn't buying that day I wasn't worth your time.
I'm writing a letter to his boss to share my thoughts.
It's pretty good.
 
After dealing with him I drove down to KIA and prepared myself for another "David". I walked up and there were no Vultures which threw me for a loop. A woman opened the door for me to welcome me to Sunset KIA. She asked me what I needed help with and I informed her I was looking for information on the Rio and I was trying to decide between that and a Fiesta. She told me she thought Fiestas were cute and walked me over to a Rio. She opened the door, told me to sit down and started telling me about features and pricing. She showed me a couple of different other Rios (new and used) and then offered to let me test drive any one I wanted. We drove around and I fell in love with the car. She gave me a packet, told me a website to use to look for used Rios and sent me on my way. She even wasn't bothered if I didn't buy with her but was trying to help me find a car I loved.
 
Before I left I informed her that she needed to head over to Ford and teach all the men how to sell a car because I will be back to see her after I have the down payment. I then informed my mom and grandma, who are also looking for another car, and they are now thinking of getting away from the same dealership that they have been using since I was a baby.
 
Men, they never think before they act.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Happy Birthday Mommy!

Dear Mom,
I've written this a few times, it's ok I knew I would.
Today is your birthday, today we celebrate the fact that you were brought into this world. Let's be honest without you I wouldn't be here.
I know people say this often but I truly mean it when I say I'm lucky to have you in my life. I couldn't think of a better woman to call my mother. You didn't have to have me, you could have chosen to not be a mother, but you decided that I was someone you wanted to get to know and love. I sat here looking at my baby photos and just smiled seeing how much you love me in each one.



You raised me by yourself for the first few years, working full time and making me climb the stairs to our apartment all on my own while you ran everything up. I was the baby with the strong leg muscles because of you. I still giggle every time I tell the story of you being the protective mother and being so upset when our apartment was broken into and the fact that someone went through my baby things. So upset that you waited for the S.O.B and when you saw him you hit him in the legs with the baseball bat with the cops standing there. You were such a strong and passionate woman and I love you for that. You were so strong that you made the choice to move to Florida and be near your mother because you wanted to provide me with the best.

I know working nights is hard but I know you signed up for that when I was growing up because it made you available to come to all my school and sport events. You enrolled me for Tae Kwan Doe, Gymnastics, Jazz, Ballet, Ice Skating, Horseback Riding, and so much more. I'm not sure how you didn't pass out every time you sat down, who am I kidding you did sometimes, but no matter how tired you were you picked me up from school, took me to do something, and then helped me do my homework all before trying to get sleep and go to work.



Mom, you did an amazing job, you always answered my questions honestly when I asked about my father, you sat me down with your nursing book when I asked about sex, and you helped me develop a love for reading. You let me get a dog when I was 7 even though you knew that I would end up just letting you and grandma take care of her. You fought for me in the 5th grade when they tried to put me on medication because I was a day dreamer. I know I don't want to drag my stuffed animals, pogs, and old art projects around with me every time I move and I want to thank you for hanging on to everything from my childhood, including the dozens of pots that I made in pottery.

I know I wasn't the easiest of children. I know I lashed out a lot, sadly informed you I hated you, and would lock myself away for no reason at all. Every time we would get into a fight I would sit in my room feeling like a complete ass because I know you were doing the best you could and that you gave up so much so that I could have a parent who was involved. I want you to know mom that I am the person I am today because of the opportunities you provided me and for the encouragement you gave me at every turn.

I want you to have your happily ever after, I want you to go out and do things because you have this warmth and kindness that deserves to be shared with the world.

Mom today is your birthday and I am so lucky to call you mine.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

2013....We Are Going To Be Busy

Hi ladies!
Yes, I'm still alive.
I'm sorry I've been MIA recently but with the holidays, work, scarves, and working through some plans....I've been lacking the desire to write. 

Last night I celebrated the New Years with my dog and cat, hush, of course they both fell asleep so no kiss at midnight but it's cool.
While sitting there drinking my pink bubbly I got to thinking. The love life has been.....lacking more than I care to admit. I'm OK with being single but the fact of the matter is that now that my ex is getting married, 10 people I know from elementary/high school got engaged, and I'm in a wedding in three months I've been feeling kind of down about it. 
I sat around thinking as to why I think I'm not in a relationship and I came up with a few things that I plan on changing in 2013.

1) I don't feel amazing about myself and I know it makes my personality hit the bottom of the tank. I'm not skinny, I've never been skinny, and I am a yo yo dieter/work outer. I start out strong, I do a little well, then I give up. With me doing that I'm just not getting any where. This year I'm starting out strong I'm going into it with the desire to be better. I made a promise to myself that I'm going to treat every day as if I have a hot date at the end. This means shaving the legs, doing the hair, and applying a little bit of makeup. I think maybe if I at least get the outside to look a little nicer maybe I can keep the drive to get the body to get better. I don't need to be skinny I just need to feel better.

2) I need to get out more. I'm that person that is perfectly fine with waking up in the morning, going to work, and then coming home and sitting in my apartment. Yes, with my work schedule and living alone going out often is hard with money and time but I do need to try. I'm not sure how I plan on meeting people if I never leave my house, it isn't like they are going to magically fall into my lap.

3) Be open to try.
I'm pretty set in my ways and I don't seem to take to change very well. I know if I tried a little more maybe it would bring people to come my way.
We shall see.

After all of that I decided to really think on the things I plan on doing this year so far.

This year there is a chance I might lose my job. They are going to close the hotel probably the beginning of may to rebuild it and they are informing us that we will be relocated to a different property. The issue with this is the fact that there is already one of me at each of the properties in the area so I'm not sure what is going to happen with that. With my apartment lease coming up for a renewal in a few months my family and I are coming to an agreement of me moving home until we can figure out what will happen so I don't have an apartment and no job to pay for it. This isn't something a 24 year old wants to do but it will help with my ability to get out.

With me moving home I'm writing into HGTV to ask for ideas on how to fix up my mom's house. My mother and grandmother live together and with my grandmother's age and health my mom is basically doing everything. The house is becoming the last thing that is the focus and I've decided with me moving back in each month I'm going to take on a room in the house and redo it. The first room on my list is the garage. I'm pretty excited about this.....it will keep me in Lowe's and Home Depot a lot and we all know what are in those stores....men.

This year I'm buying myself a new car. My car used to be my grandmother's and with is being a 1997 and starting to fall apart I think it is time for me to look into getting myself something that will run. I'm looking at a Ford Fiesta or a KIA Rio. I guess we will have to see how that goes but I'm super excited about that!

This year I'm building up my scarf business. Right now I have 22 orders of scarves. I've finished with 5 of them and I'm trying to finish one and a half each night. I'm so happy about this but I can't wait till it warms up a bit so that I can build up product and then sell when I have. Right now I'm getting more orders than what I have made so I'm having to make as I go along. I'm teaching myself how to make more items so I can try to offer more product so besides working, fixing up my mom's house, and trying to find a man I'm going to be neck deep in yarn and crochet patterns.

Last but not least I'm going to focus more on writing. I love writing on the blog but with the lack of events in my life writing has been sparse. I did start writing a book but I'm not sure if I want to continue doing that or not. I'm going to try and spend more time on this here little blog in the hopes that with me writing more I can decide if I really want to write the book or not.

I hope all of you wonderful ladies had an amazing 2012 and that you have some great ideas for the upcoming year!
 
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