Thursday, February 21, 2013

There Once Was A Girl Named Brie, Who Had An Issue With A Steed

I believe horses are out to get me.
I'm not sure why but I just really think that they are. 

Let's review,

Ever since I was a small little tike I've been in love with horses.
When I say love I mean I would actually freak if I saw one.  I'm the annoying person who still walks up to cops and ask if I can pet the horsey because he/she is just too darn cute not to!
Side Note: The cop will sometimes let you pet the horse but the horse is considered an officer....sooooo, it's kind of like asking to pet the cop.
A little frowned upon but they might just let you do it.
Continuing on...

First example:

When I was 11 my love for those big old cuties got to a pretty critical obsession so much so that my lovely mother, god love her, decided to send me to horse back riding camp BEFORE she shipped me off to sleep away came, and then sent me again when I returned.
I was in love...SO much love. I didn't care that I smelled, that I had to handle poop and pee, and that I was hot and sweaty. 
I was happy.
I'm not sure what happened, maybe I offended one of the horses, but sadly one had a beef with me that I was not aware of.
It started out like any normal day, I had put on my helmet, had my boots on, saddled and bridled my horse and went out for my lesson. We were doing pretty well until the dogs on the property decided that they felt like chasing something and spooked him.
Up in the air I went and down onto the ground I fell.
On my back.
I cried.
The instructor told me to brush myself off and get back on the horse.
Side Note Again: Yes, if you fall off a horse get back on. No, if a horse kicks you off because it is scared don't get back on.
Back onto the horse I went and back onto the ground I fell.
On my back.
Again, I cried.
They tried to stick me BACK on and I refused and so the owner finally put me on a gentle horse and just walked me around.
I now have a dislocated back and my hips aren't even from the way my muscles grew to support to issue.

Second example:

A few months after my horse throwing issue one of my neighbor "friends" asked me to go riding with her. I jumped at the chance and off we went. While we were there I saw a few girls from camp and I was planning on a great time. My horse was pretty awesome and I was ready for a long trail ride. It started off great until my horse got it into his wonderful mind that we should go for a run. I never got up to FULL OUT RUN YOUR FREAKING ASS OFF speed so this was a bit of a shock. I did my best to calm the horse down.
 Which it did
 When we reached a lake
 The horse thought it would be a brilliant idea to go play in said lake.
I was not amused.

Third example:

Last year this time I was driving like I normally do because I have a car and a licence.
I know, shocker.
I was turning off a street where the speed limit is 45mph onto a street that the first .0005 feet is also 45mph then drops to 30 mph. I kind of sort of kept going close to the 45mph past the sign and started to slow down but sadly I did not slow down enough in time.
I got clocked
by a cop
on a horse.
I'll give you a moment to stop laughing as I know you are since my friends like to ask if the horse had lights on it's head.
I shall inform you that the horse was far enough down the road that he and the human sitting on him walked out into the road and pointed at me to pull over. I of course did as he asked since hitting the horse was out of the question.
I pulled over and had to get out of the car since the cop was a bit high up for my tiny little vehicle.
I think the horse actually liked me and the human was being the ass because the whole time I was standing there the horse kept trying to walk up to me but the man kept pulling him away. Now that I think about it maybe they were doing a good cop bad cop kind of deal and the horse was the bad cop who was going to try and rough me up and the human was trying to stop him so I didn't lodge a complaint!
I wasn't really paying attention to the fact I got a ticket, I mean yeah MY BAD, but I was more focused on not asking if I could pet the horse. I feel like it wouldn't work well in my favor to ask to play with the horsey while I was getting in trouble. Since I wasn't really paying attention to the human cop he took it as I was being nice and actually gave me a "discount" on my ticket.
Works for me.

Well ladies and gents....that is my case as to why I think horses and I have an issue but I still love their cute little faces!
I'm actually trying to find a place so I can go riding from time to time and I'm sure this will back fire and I'll get hurt, again.


Nikki said...

Ok you were right. Hysterical

Anonymous said...

Haha I love this! My hips are screwy from an app gelding that decided rolling over with the 12 yr old on him was the best game ever.

You also win any speeding ticket war ever!

holli said...

My dad owns an arabian horse ranch and has horse boarding business. I've grown up around horses but it's still freaky when they get spooked and take off running.
That ticket story is the best!

Helene said...

hahaha oh my god- i had no idea they were considered a cop!
agreed- they can be scary

Ashlee Christopher said...

Hahhahaha love the story but especially LOVE the blog title!

SH said...

I love that you say petting a cop horse is frowned upon...assuming you still do it anyways?! Haha!

Hope you had a great weekend!

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