Wednesday, February 6, 2013

What Am I Even Doing?

I'm not sure where this is going to go. Honestly I'm having one of those days where I don't even know where I want to go.

Turning 25 this month is kind of hitting me hard right now. I'm not sure why but I think it is because I'm not exactly where I thought I would be at this age. When I was graduating high school I thought I would go to the community college to figure everything out, head off to finish my last two years, I would have met my husband gotten married by 23 have a child by 25 and be living in a house.
Yeeeaaaahhhh....not so much.

I'm not even close to that train of thought. I know that this is ok, I mean I'm partially to blame for this being the situation, but at times I stop and think, what am I even doing? I can honestly say I'm a stronger person then I was before but I wish my life had a bit more direction. I know it is ok that I'm 25 and single, there are a lot of people that are 25 and single. Yet, I'm the only one of my friends that isn't in some form of a relationship and that can be a bit confusing. I was in a relationship, it was a bad one, where I thought I was going to get part of my plan but instead it didn't work and it made the rest of the plan go in the crapper.

I left school to be with someone I thought was going to be my husband. There is a very large chance I would have left school anyways because I'm one of those people who can't sit still in a classroom without medication, I learn faster by doing. I wanted to be a therapist instead I work in customer service and I need a therapist. I work as a manager at a hotel and most of my employees are/have gone to school for hotel management and here I am without a degree leading them. I enjoy my job at times, I mean I've been in this field now for 5 or 6 years, but there are times...ok a lot of times when I stop and think I should be doing something else.

I'm aware I'm not the first person at 25 to stop and go WHAT THE HELL?! yet I feel a bit alone right now. I'm not sure what I want to do, what I'm expected to do, but I know I don't feel very complete right now. I have this idea of a job but sadly I have no freakin clue on how to go about doing it or even what the title would be.
I'd still like to work in customer service but work for a company where I handle bettering the standards in which the company deals with situations.
Yeah, I know tall order, but I figure I'd get some weekends off at least.
Trust me when I tell you I work every weekend and when I try to take a weekend off it turns into a big deal and I end up feeling guilty because I'm not at work. I'm also on call 24/7 so I always have to be aware that if I decide to drink there is a chance I might have to go into work. It is something that I don't mind completely but I wish I didn't have to worry about.

I guess this is my quarter of a century crises and I'm going to be honest.
It sucks.

Am I alone in this or am I just being weird like normal?


elle at wishingoodluck said...

You're not alone at all! I'll be turning 25 in a matter of months and I'm single and still trying to figure it out too! I feel like people either seem to have ti all together or they're falling apart leaving those of us floating along in the middle feeling alone and strange. It's so nice to see someone else asking the same questions though, glad I'm not alone either.

Angi said...

You're not alone. I think everyone goes through this to some extent at 25. I wasn't married at 25 either, and I definitely wasn't doing a job I loved. I think this is why a lot of people enjoy their 30's - more likely to have your life on a track you enjoy, you'll feel more settled...I know I feel more settled at 29 than I ever did at 25! And I know 25 seems ancient now, but trust me, it's not. I still feel young and I'll be 30 in a few months. 25 seems like light years ago! :)

RadiantKristen said...

I understand every single word of what you just said, because it's pretty similar to my situation. Except I'm 3 years older and in the almost same spot. Let me know if you ever need to vent! I'm happy to commiserate, especially over a glass of naughty on-call wine.

Meagan Patricia said...

I'm a couple of years away from the big 25 but I can certainly relate to you! I'm in college right now in a major which I love, in theory heading towards a career I know i would be great at. But school is that thing that just isn't for me either - I can do very well but concentrating in subjects I have no interest in is beyond difficult, way more than it should be. I don't know what my backup would be though. Everyone around me is getting engaged and planning weddings and I'm just here struggling through school, living with me parents, and totally single. You are certainly not alone and reading this post actually made my day in a way as this week has been filled with tears and asking myself the same "where in the hell am I going with my life???" question. Hopefully we'll all figure it out sooner rather than later! :-)

Erin said...

Oh boy I have quite a few friends going through the same thing. I go through it too and always find myself looking toward the next big life event but I am constantly trying to remind myself to enjoy the journey in getting there. It doesn't matter if you're not married or have the perfect job, enjoy the journey while you get there.

Micah said...

Definitely not alone. I'm 32, and it seems like every year (usually around my birthday), I stop and look at my life. It's nothing like I thought it'd be by this age, but in some ways it's better. I try to remember that. But, like you said, sometimes that's not easy. Feel better!

Mommy said...

I'm 25 with 2 kids and a husband and nowhere near where I thought I'd be! I never thought I'd be a SAHM and never in a million years thought I'd homeschool.

Life is full of twists and turns. I'm doing my best to roll with it.

Kim @ The K.O. Story said...

I know I'm married and all, but Leo and I have been going through that right now. I never expected to be married before 30, and he's starting a new career for the third time which means starting over and being at the bottom of the pile. I always figured I would have a career and a house before anything else, and I still don't have a degree or a house- the career is a bit debatable.

I guess my advice for you is that nobody really ends up how they pictured they would. Hang in there...I have a feeling everything will fall into place someday. I really think it's just the world trying to teach us patience

OneBigMistake, andSome said...

I am 25. Don't let being single or in a realtionship define you. For some reasons, especially us girls, seem to think our life should revolve around being in a relationship. Being in a relationship is great - the love and support can be very helpful - but being in a bad realtionships is truly dangerous. You did the right thing getting out. It takes much more courage and determination to leave a bad relationship than to stay in it. So you should be proud of yourself just for that. Now about your job, that is truly your decision to make. At 25, you can decided to quit whatever you are doing and start over, so if that is how you feel about your job, quit. Take advantage of being so young ... My mother is my inspiration. Not married until she was 30 - all of her friends were married by 20 - but while many of her friends got divorced meanwhile, she has been married 33 years :) Patience is a good quality, but don't be waiting for Prince Charming to show up ... Go live YOUR life